I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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