he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
