I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
