even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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