Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
