Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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