Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I lost the right to judge tonight
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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