things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
