This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
