Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
