My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
