perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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