the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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