is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
