Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
