I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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