Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
