You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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