What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Is it because I queefed?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
