theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
