yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
