hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
