You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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