How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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