You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
