What did we do last night that was yellow?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
