3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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