she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
