Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
