Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
