I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
