i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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