Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
