What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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