this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
