How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
