And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize