All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
