All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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