just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
