Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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