hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
