This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
