My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
