GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
