All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
