mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize