New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
