I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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