I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
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i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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