On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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