i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
