I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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