OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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