they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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