I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
