I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
