apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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