I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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