All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
