upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
