I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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