so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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