Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
