I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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