In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
