i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Never let your siblings swipe right.
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