I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
FUCK WHALES
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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