I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
